Grief
by Bakufan15
Summary: Eri lived in a constant state of fear. Everpresent, never relenting. Sometimes it was manageable, while sometimes she needed to take the day off of work. She was used to it by now, and could typically supres it. Still, when she got the call that Izuku was hospitalized after a fight with a villain, she was utterly terrified. Based off of a personal experience. Warning: dark themes


**The Circle of Life**

 _I would like to preface this with a few words. You don't have to read them, but I would appreciate it if you did. To start, I want to give some background on this one shot. It may only be about 2500 words, but it took nearly three weeks to write. I couldn't sit down and write more than 200 or 300 words without having to stop myself first._

 _This One shot is based off of a personal experience. While not the same, something similar to this situation happened to me when my grandfather passed away a few years ago. It was hard on me, but I pushed through it. I decided to take on this project as my way of not only commemerating him in my mind, but also providing some of you with some reading content._

 _Finally, I want to leave a message of something that I've learned from experiences like this. If you lose someone, whether it be a break up or losing a family member, there is something you should always remember. Life may lose it's light, and you may feel like there is no way out of the darkness. But no matter what, you need to keep going. Things **will** get better. They always do._

 _That's all from me. Please enjoy._

* * *

Eri lived in a constant state of fear. Even after all these years, it was always there. Sometimes it would dull down and be significantly easier to cope with. Other times, it would be so troubling she would have to call in and take a day off. No matter how bad it was, it was still there, and she knew it would always be.

The fear had been there ever since she could remember. Even after being saved by the heroes at a young age, she had never properly recovered. The one good thing is that since that day, she had never been nearly as scared again.

Yet, when she got the call that Izuku was in the hospital, she was completely, utterly _terrified._

The call came in the middle of one of Eri's classes. She worked as a professor at Yuuei. Her quirk, while powerful, was not suited for combat or hero work. However, she had grown up surrounded by heroes, and so she knew the in's and out's of the field. Thus, she had taken up a job teaching the 'Hero Work Theory' Class.

She loved each and every one of her students, and she knew that they cared about her as well. It was always reassuring to know there were people there to support her. They also knew she had a rough past, so they were understanding whenever something came up and she was unable to attend class.

Eri was giving a lecture when her phone buzzed. It was the default ringtone. She didn't care enough to change it. Normally, Eri would ignore calls during class, but something this time was different.

First of all, anyone that knew her knew not to call her during school hours unless it was an emergency. Second of all, the call was from Ochako Uraraka. While getting calls from her was not unheard of, they were few and far between.

Eri told her class to wait a moment, stepping out into the hallway with her cell phone in hand. She picked it up.

"Yes? I'm in the middle of a class right now." She said, straightforward and to the point.

"Eri." Ochako's voice was strained, and Eri knew immediately something was wrong, "It's Deku. Something happened in the middle of the night and-" Ochako cut off, and Eri heard her choke back a sob in the background.

Instantly, the fear came back in full force. It was taking over her body. Everything in the world shut itself off, leaving only Eri and the darkness ahead of her.

"W-where?" Eri forced out. Her body wouldn't move. Nothing would move.

"The hospital in Kamino ward. Hurry!"

Eri dropped her phone on the spot, where it clattered to the ground. She might've broken it, but she didn't care. Eri broke into a sprint, going as fast as her body would take her. There was only one thing that mattered right now.

Eri approached the gates to Yuuei, panting. She barreled through the archway and made for her car. The entire time, there was only one thing going through her mind:

 _Please let him be okay...please let him be okay…._

Eri fumbled her keys in her panic, and it took her way longer to unlock her car than it should have. Her hands were shaking so much that when she tried to put the key in the ignition, she missed four times.

She quickly turned the ignition, starting the car. It was old and run down, but it still worked, creaking as the engine fired up. She swapped into drive and took off as fast as the vehicle would take her.

She didn't go the speed limit. She couldn't; there was too much at stake. Izuku was injured, and by the tone of Ochako's voice, it wasn't good.

 _What if he…_ Eri choked up, not able to finish the thought. Right now, she had neither the time of emotional stability to go through 'what if's' in her head. All that mattered right now was getting to Izuku.

Eri was lucky that there were no police between her and Izuku. The entire trek would normally taken half an hour, and Eri made it in half the time. She slammed on the brakes of her car, not even caring to find a parking spot. Instead, she opted to park right in front of the sidewalk by the entrance to the hospital.

Fear gripped Eri's heart. Eri was no stranger to fear, yet, even this caliber of fear threatened to seize her. To stop her from thinking or acting properly. Still, she pushed on.

Eri stormed into the facility and came up to the front desk.

"Hi, how can I-"

"I-Izuku Midoriya." Eri interrupted. Just saying the name threatened to bring tears to the surface. The nurse shuffled through some papers, looking for the file.

 _Please please please_

"Ah here it is." The nurse pulled up the file on her computer and looked through it. Realistically, she was moving pretty quickly, but to Eri it seemed like an eternity. Each move of her arm took a lifetime. Each click of the mouse as slow as a snail.

"I'm sorry, it seems like he's only seeing family right now. You should be able to-" The nurse started.

"I-I'm his d-d-daughter." Eri stuttered out. She had said the words so many times before, but it still made her heart clench. Not to mention that she was as mentally and emotionally stable as a psychopath right now.

The nurse raised an eyebrow, looking Eri up and down. She'd gotten this look so many times before. The nurse was obviously noticing the contrast between Eri and Izuku's features. Her red eyes versus his green ones. Her stark white hair versus his green hair.

"Are you-"

 _I don't have time for this. I have to-_ Eri thought. Unbidden, the tears she had been holding in started to flow freely from her eyes.

"Please!" Eri slammed her fist down on the desk, dropping her voice to a whisper, "I have to see him." Eri dipped her head and her hair fell over her face. She whimpered. If she got caught in the lobby while Izuku was suffering…

"Please…" She breathed again. There was a small touch on her hand, and she flinched slightly. When she looked up, Eri saw it was the nurse, resting her palm above Eri's hand.

"He's in emergency ward two, room two-hundred sixteen." She said.

Eri didn't even have time to say thank you before her legs were taking her down the hallway.

Eri opened the door of room two-sixteen, and what she was inside horrified her.

Eri gasped and froze on the spot, mind going blank. Izuku was laying down on the hospital bed, and he did not look in good condition. He was hooked up to at least three different life support machines, including an oxygen mask. His shirt was off, and stretching up his entire right side was a violent wound.

It resembled All Might's wound, but it was red and stitched together, but still inflamed and a angry red. It horrified Eri, like every fear she had going into this situation came to fruition. At the sound of Eri entering the room, Izuku turned.

"Eri…" Izuku smiled.

Despite all the pain he was in, and despite all he had probably gone through, _he still smiled_. For her.

Eri's hand shot up to her mouth with another gasp. She was frozen on the spot. She couldn't find the strength to move her legs. Tears resurfaced and fell down her face, dripping to the ground freely.

"Eri." Izuku smiled again. It looked like he was struggling with every slight moment, but he still did it. He still smiled, "Come over here.."

The words were enough to force Eri to move her legs. Ironic how she had spent the entire last few minutes in a frantic flight over to Izuku's side, but now that she was here, she had to force every. Single. Movement.

Eri couldn't hold it in. She cried and she cried and she cried. The tears flowed fearlessly, and Eri could only see the world in a blur around her, but she knew Izuku was crying too.

She was sobbing by the time she made it to Izuku's bedside. No even the world's largest dam could still this river. Izuku patted the side of the bed, and Eri did as he motioned. She sat down in the chair adjacent to the bed.

"Don't be scared." All the dark thoughts running through Eri's mind were interrupted by three simple words. Eri's head snapped to look Izuku in the eyes. "Don't be scared." He repeated.

"Don't be scared, Eri. I know it's scary, but everything will turn out okay, I promise. You'll get through it." He assured her.

Eri felt pathetic. He was the one in pain, yet he was the one that had to comfort her. She couldn't be strong enough to be there for him in his time of need, like he had for her so many times. She couldn't pull herself together for _one damn minute_.

Eri just cried more, She put her head in her hands, sobs wracking her body. She vaguely noticed a hand rubbing along her spine, up and down in slow circling motions. Something so familiar.

Izuku ran his fingers along Eri's back, just as he had when she was a kid. Whenever she was feeling down or woke up from a nightmare. "Don't be scared. Eri. It's okay." He said softly. His voice was weak. So damn weak. "Don't be scared."

"I-I-Izuku…" Eri managed to force out. Izuku smiled again, reaching out with the hand that had been rubbing her back, instead clasping her hand in his.

"Eri, you need to be strong. I'm here, alright. I won't let go."

" _I won't let go again. Not ever."_ The words echoed in Eri's mind from that fated day so many years ago. When Izuku had saved her from Chisaki, and no matter how much she was hurting him, he didn't let go.

Izuku's was squeezing her hand as hard as he could, but even so it was weak. With all his strength, this was all he could manage.

"Izuku...please...be okay…" Eri forced out. She couldn't do this. Not now. The darkness that always loomed over her stuck there, ever present. The fear that always gripped some part of her was consuming her whole body.

"Eri…" Izuku trailed off, but he didn't need to finish his sentence for Eri to know the implication.

"No…"

 _This can't be happening…._

 _Don't…_

 _No…_

Eri's body seized up.

"The attack crushed half of my internal organs and destroyed my entire right side of my ribcage. If they had been able to find me in time then they could have done something but…" Izuku coughed, and it was a horrifying sound. The simple action wracked his entire body, and blood trickled onto his hand.

"No…"

"Please…"

Eri's sobs reasserted themselves, stronger than ever. Izuku squeezed her palm.

"It's okay Eri. Don't be scared."

All of her memories surfaced.

" _And this is our new home!"_

" _Welcome home, Eri!"_

" _I'll be watching over you for a while, now that I have my own place!"_

" _And that's how you throw a real punch!"_

" _I'm so proud of you, Eri! You finally mastered your quirk!"_

" _You're like a daughter to me…"_

" _I love you, Eri."_

Eri's entire body shook. This couldn't be happening, not now. Izuku was her only family, her only joy. The only thing that got her to get up in the morning. The person she strived to be like and impress. The light in the darkness.

A world without Izuku...was one she didn't want to live in.

"Eri. Can you look at me?" Eri forced her head up to look Izuku in the eyes. He was still smiling.

"Can you give me that smile of yours? One last time? Just like all those times in the past?" Izuku asked. It would normally be a simple request, but at a time like this…

 _The Past...That's it!_ Eri tore herself back to reality.

"I-I-Izuku! I g-got it!" Eri forced out, "I know how to save you!"

Izuku tilted his head slightly.

"I can use my quirk on you! I can rewind you to before you got hurt! Everything can be okay and it can all go back to…" Eri trailed off. Izuku had an odd expression on his face.

It was like an sad smile. He strengthened his grip on her hand.

"Thank you Eri…" Izuku took a deep breath, "But no."

Eri's breath caught in her throat. She took another deep breath to speak, but Izuku beat her to the chase.

"It's my time, I think."

In the blink of an eye, all the hope that Eri had vanished. The fire was snuffed out, only to be replaced once again by the dark fear.

"W-what do you mean? I-I can save you!" Eri said, but Izuku shook his head.

"I'm sorry Eri." Izuku said again, "I think it's my time to meet All Might and Mom…" Eri shook her head, tears flowing back to her cheeks.

"Izuku please..."

 _Please don't leave me…_

"Don't be scared." He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb softly, in slow circles. The pace slowed down, and Eri heard the heart monitor beep ever so slightly slower.

"Izuku please…." Eri sobbed, "Don't do this…"

There was silence…

…

Then…

"Can you give me one last smile?" Izuku's voice was low, soft. It was weak, yet strong still. Eri sobbed again. She didn't know if she could muster it.

 _No._ She forced herself, _I have to be strong. For once in my life, I have to be strong. For him._

" _Don't take too many cookies!"_

" _And this is how to cook this meal!"_

" _Have fun at your first day of school!"_

And so Eri smiled. It had been so long since she had really, truly, genuinely smiled. And it wasn't because of happiness that she smiled. No, it was for Izuku. He was her happiness, so she smiled. For Him.

Izuku's smile grew wider. Tears were still streaming down his face, just as they were flowing down Eri's.

"Eri." Izuku's voice was weak. Smaller than it had ever been, "I wanted to let you know one more thing. Eri forced herself to keep smiling, for his sake. She clutched his hand with both of hers, squeezing so hard, like she was afraid of him going somewhere.

Izuku took a long, shaky breath, "This may seem like the world, but I promise, life will go on. You'll keep going, no matter what. You'll have your ups and downs, but everything will always turn out alright. You'll find something else to be happy about, I promise."

The tears kept coming and coming.

"Most of all, I want you to keep going, if It's only for my sake. Don't give up. If you ever feel down, keep going. Remind yourself of me if you need to. And always remember, even if I'm not here, I'm _here_." He pointed to her heart.

"Thank you for everything, Eri."

The heart monitor's beeping slowed down, and it kept going down, slowly declining. Izuku's grip started to loosen on Eri's hand.

"Izuku!" Eri cried out, throwing her arms around his neck. She felt a presence on her back, and saw that even despite the pain, he wrapped his arms around her in one last hug.

"I love you more than you know." He whispered in her ear.

Eri was sobbing and crying harder than she had ever cried before, but she still mustered the strength to say the words. It was her last opportunity.

"I love you too."

Izuku went limp after a few more moments of their tight hug, and the heart monitor flattened.

Eri didn't break the hug.


End file.
